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Post by SmokedPears on Aug 23, 2019 7:15:21 GMT -6
Early one evening a gentleman scuttled out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.
A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.
"No," replied the gentleman, "my son just bought his first car and right now he's getting ready for a big date. He'll be taking the car out soon to pick up the girl."
"So what's with all the stuff?" asked the neighbor.
"Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work, I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him."
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OkieDokie
Surviving
Jarl (22,857)
Feb 5, 2017
Valhalla
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Post by OkieDokie on Aug 25, 2019 19:22:44 GMT -6
Vikings need to do this and maybe won’t start off so flat.
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OkieDokie
Surviving
Jarl (22,857)
Feb 5, 2017
Valhalla
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Post by OkieDokie on Aug 29, 2019 14:31:43 GMT -6
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OkieDokie
Surviving
Jarl (22,857)
Feb 5, 2017
Valhalla
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Post by OkieDokie on Aug 29, 2019 14:40:53 GMT -6
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OkieDokie
Surviving
Jarl (22,857)
Feb 5, 2017
Valhalla
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Post by OkieDokie on Aug 29, 2019 14:44:19 GMT -6
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WisconsinVike
I never felt so free - it was just my dog and me
Thegn (3,480)
Mar 3, 2017
Valhalla
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Post by WisconsinVike on Aug 30, 2019 15:03:14 GMT -6
My great-grandmother claimed that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on one’s oatmeal every morning.
She did this religiously until she died at the age of 103.
She left behind 10 children, 45 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren,
and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
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Post by SmokedPears on Sept 3, 2019 6:51:28 GMT -6
A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?"
"I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?"
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Post by SmokedPears on Sept 3, 2019 7:24:23 GMT -6
I bet there are a few farmers around here that can relate to this:
An old farmer wins the ten million dollar lottery and is being interviewed. The reporter asked what he is going to do with all the money.
"Oh, I reckon the first thing I'll do is go and pay a few bills."
"And what about the rest?" the reporter continued.
The farmer shrugs. "Well, I guess they'll just have to wait."
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OkieDokie
Surviving
Jarl (22,857)
Feb 5, 2017
Valhalla
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Post by OkieDokie on Sept 4, 2019 12:08:27 GMT -6
A boy named Sue had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.
When their first child was born, he let his wife name her.
She named the baby girl "Love" inspired in the same spirit as Sue's unique name.
Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Sue did, because of her strange name.
She came home from school one day and screamed at her dad, asking why he gave her such a stupid name.
Sue took the blame to protect his wife and apologized.
In a fit of rage, Love shot him with her dart gun and ran away.
Minutes later, Sue's wife came home and saw him lying on the ground.
"What happened?!" she asked, running to him.
He waved her closer, and whispered, "Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. Darling, you gave Love a bad name!
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VikingBob
I am the Host of THOR'S HAMMER and proud member of the VWO.
Viking (5,583)
Feb 3, 2017
Valhalla
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Post by VikingBob on Sept 4, 2019 14:38:51 GMT -6
two med students were walking down the street together and started arguing on who will be the better doctor, so they made a bet to see and agreed that the next person that walked by they would diagnose them and see who came closer. A few minutes later and elderly man walked by awkwardly, he was hunched over a bit and taking short steps. The first student says "that easy, he has Triangularitus of his lower back causing him to walk that way" The second student says " not even close, its obvious that he has Chronic vascular irregularities"
They both bet that they are right and stop the older gentleman and ask him. The older man says, "ok I will tell you, but first you have to tell me what you both guessed"
The first student says "you have triangularitis which causes your back to tighten, you hunch over, and your legs are spread apart, much like a Triangle" The second student says "you have Chronic vascular irregularites that go down your back and down your legs"
The elderly man says "well, you're both wrong, but I thought it was a fart, and I was wrong too"
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Post by Purplemachine on Sept 4, 2019 16:43:16 GMT -6
two med students were walking down the street together and started arguing on who will be the better doctor, so they made a bet to see and agreed that the next person that walked by they would diagnose them and see who came closer. A few minutes later and elderly man walked by awkwardly, he was hunched over a bit and taking short steps. The first student says "that easy, he has Triangularitus of his lower back causing him to walk that way" The second student says " not even close, its obvious that he has Chronic vascular irregularities" They both bet that they are right and stop the older gentleman and ask him. The older man says, "ok I will tell you, but first you have to tell me what you both guessed" The first student says "you have triangularitis which causes your back to tighten, you hunch over, and your legs are spread apart, much like a Triangle" The second student says "you have Chronic vascular irregularites that go down your back and down your legs" The elderly man says "well, you're both wrong, but I thought it was a fart, and I was wrong too" NEVER trust a fart.
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VikingBob
I am the Host of THOR'S HAMMER and proud member of the VWO.
Viking (5,583)
Feb 3, 2017
Valhalla
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Post by VikingBob on Sept 4, 2019 16:48:38 GMT -6
two med students were walking down the street together and started arguing on who will be the better doctor, so they made a bet to see and agreed that the next person that walked by they would diagnose them and see who came closer. A few minutes later and elderly man walked by awkwardly, he was hunched over a bit and taking short steps. The first student says "that easy, he has Triangularitus of his lower back causing him to walk that way" The second student says " not even close, its obvious that he has Chronic vascular irregularities" They both bet that they are right and stop the older gentleman and ask him. The older man says, "ok I will tell you, but first you have to tell me what you both guessed" The first student says "you have triangularitis which causes your back to tighten, you hunch over, and your legs are spread apart, much like a Triangle" The second student says "you have Chronic vascular irregularites that go down your back and down your legs" The elderly man says "well, you're both wrong, but I thought it was a fart, and I was wrong too" NEVER trust a fart. So true!!!
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greylock
Thegn (1,926)
Apr 30, 2017
Valhalla
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Post by greylock on Sept 6, 2019 12:31:21 GMT -6
A blond drops off a black dress at the cleaners. On the way out, the lady at the counter says, "Come Again". The blonde says, "No, its toothpaste this time you nosey bitch".
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Post by savannahskol on Sept 7, 2019 13:12:58 GMT -6
Havent played this in awhile...
Maybe my favorite youtube vid of all time.
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VikingBob
I am the Host of THOR'S HAMMER and proud member of the VWO.
Viking (5,583)
Feb 3, 2017
Valhalla
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Post by VikingBob on Sept 7, 2019 14:23:01 GMT -6
So my wife came home last night in a rather sexy mood, kids weren't home. So she says to me. "Take off my dress"..... So I did ..... Then she tells me "take off her high heels and silk stockings".... So I did..... Then it got really hot when she told me "remover her bra and panties" ..... Just when I thought I was going to get lucky, she yelled at " and don't ever let me catch you wearing them again!!!"
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